Kuching Today

I am having a great time in Kuching but they say, all good things must come to an end. Yes, a part of it has ended today. My dear had just departed from Kuching not too long ago, back to where ever she should be going. I hate it whenever this happens. I have never liked the feeling of separation and never will.

I always get this nostalgic feeling whenever someone I love leaves me, be it my family member or anyone else dear to me. This one was especially hard because we spent quality time together and went to places together. Thinking of it now makes me feel blue. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my time with her, it’s just that I now miss the time we spent together. Thanks to my work nature, I was also literally cursing everyday, since day one she was here.

I get nostalgic even before the day of departure. The day of departure itself is hard. I have not much of a mood left in me to enjoy myself. The thought of having to be separated in a matter of hours just gets to me. The airport itself looks nice and enticing if I am just there for the fun of it or if I know I am on my way for a vacation. When it comes to sending people off, the view of the airport itself is just depressing.

As I carried her luggage to the check in counter, all I could think of was to get her checked in first, since it was running a lil late. Thank god, the process was a breeze. Oh, and the airport smelt of salted fish. Now, which smart alec brought salted fish to the airport or was someone smelling like salted fish? HMMMM…

Not wanting anymore of that smell, we proceeded to Eraman for some fresh perfume smell. Yeap, definitely smelt better. She wanted to check on the Ralph Lauren perfume and the sales lady was a bitch.

“Come come, I’ll do it for you, you’ll spoil the spray nozzle later…”

Bitch, I have been using perfume all my life and the nozzles are all the same. You don’t tell me I’ll spoil the nozzle. I’ll slap the living daylight out of you if I could. For the sake of courtesy, I shall not curse in this post but that bitch is really getting on my nerves. The moment she said that, I left the shop immediately.

We lingered around the airport a little, quite reluctant to be separated. I had a lot of things to tell her, but I just couldn’t find words for them. I was practically quiet the few minutes we were lingering at the airport. All I could do was look at her and said how fast time passed and how everything had come to an end so fast.

The I saw the aircraft landing and it was a sign that she should be boarding. Still reluctant to be separated, we sticked around a while longer until the aircraft was parked at the tarmac. After that, as reluctant as I was, I told her it was time to board as I didn’t want her to miss her flight.

I walked her to the departure hall and I gave her a long, tight hug. I was beginning to feel really emotional. I bid her Bon Voyage. I saw her eyes getting teary and my heart was starting to cry as well. I felt very heavy hearted as I looked into her eyes. Trying to remain calm and macho, I refrained from dropping even a single drop of tears. I waved her good bye as she went through the security check and disappeared into the hall. I won’t deny the fact that I felt very emotional the moment she left me, because that would be a complete lie.

I went outside the terminal and watched her queue for boarding, still reluctant to leave the airport. As the plane left the terminal after all passengers boarded and took onto the skies, I walked to my car, still not used to the fact that I am all alone. As I looked at the airport one last time, I drove off with the nostalgic feeling. I now know how it feels when people lose someone they love, forever. It’s a really sad feeling and it is at times like this, I wish I had all the money in the world and almost everything would be virtually possible.

As I am writing this now, I am still feeling really blue and this is the only place I can voice it out. Alas, I am going to retire from the online world for now and get some fresh air to make myself feel better. Take care peepz! Till then, cheers!

Down

Hmm, all of a sudden, I feel very down so I don’t think I’ll be blogging for the next few days to come. I’ll blog again once the inspiration comes. Good luck people and wishing you guys a happy weekend. One advice:

Always treasure what you have. You’ll only realise how important they are when you lose them.

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Fate

Another boring, useless and a no brainer’s post, so ignore it if you wanna. Yea, the photos are dated, but standing on the balcony of the condo I am living in, looking down at the mamak stalls and the pool, I just can’t help but start thinking about my fate.

Sometimes I wonder if it really pays to believe in fate. I mean, I am a hardcore believer in fate yet sometimes, I wonder, if there is anything I can actually do to change fate. Being fated, most of the time, things do not go the way you want them to. So it is under circumstances like that you feel like changing fate.

Then again, I cannot say fate hadn’t brought me anything good. I mean, fate has brought me here to KL to work. Fate has also introduced me to friends that I thought I would have never known. For all I know, fate would eventually also bring me my counterpart in the near future. I never know.

Then again, fate had also caused me to lose my wallet. Fate had also caused me to wipe out the whole database in my company and fate had also dictated that I do not have a back up copy of the database I just wiped out. I would have quitted my current job about less than a month from now but fate dictated other wise.

It’s ironic how everything seems to be fated and in place. Some people were fated to die early and some fated to live a longer life. It seems as if our whole course of life has been predetermined and that there is nothing we can really do about it. We can attempt whatever we like to change our course of life but as fated, the outcome will still be the same.

I thought of opening a savings account with Hong Leong bank but finally decided on Maybank only to be told “I am sorry Sir, we do not allow opening of accounts with a temporary IC.” As you can all see, I am still clearly pissed at the classic, smart alec, brainless answer given to me. I finally reverted back to opening a Hong Leong bank account. Fated? You all be the judge.

It’s also ironic how when you are thinking about something or someone, god just seems to want to remind you about the things or person you’re thinking about. Where ever you go, you just seem to notice bits and pieces of things that relate to the thing or person you’re thinking. I have been thinking about this one person quite a lot lately, and where ever I go, I just seem to be reminded of that person. Things that weren’t there, or rather weren’t noticed before, just suddenly pop up before me and keep reminding me of the person. Coincidence? I just don’t buy it.

Life seems to be revolving around fate and my fate isn’t exactly good. So tell me guys, what is there to be done in order to change fate?

Stressed and Depressed

I have been pretty stressed out lately due to a lot of unfortunate events. Anyhow, I am not going to grumble over those past events anymore and I am just gonna let it go. I am so stressed, I don’t know who to turn to. I don’t know who to talk to and now, the next best thing to do is to blog about it. I need someone to talk to and that would be me, myself.

Ignore this post if you wanna because I don’t blog for audiences. Rather I blog to express my own feelings in my own ways. I know very well, pictures along with words attract more readers since it is just in humans to take pictures better than words. However, I am not in the mood for any pictures right now, so this is just a plain text post. Anyway, work isn’t good for me, things haven’t been running smoothly. It is extremely frustrating when you seat in front of the computer the whole day trying to get something to work and it just wouldn’t. To make it worse, your boss and your associates are pestering and pressuring you to get up to speed. That is double the frustration, double the pressure and double the oooommmppphhh….

Life isn’t good as well. I have no one to resort to as I am alone in KL. I do have quite a number of friends in KL, but still, most are busy with their own life and couldn’t be bothered with me. Needless to say, I don’t have a counterpart as well. Ya ya, don’t start telling me being single is good and being in a relationship is not. I have heard enough of that crap already, so enough of that. They both have their own pros and cons. I just feel like it’s time I have someone who can share my feelings with me. Call me pathetic if you would, but if you do, make sure you don’t get into any relationships ever!

It’s not everyday you come across a girl you like and you feel is suitable for you. I mean, I do have a lot of female friends but then again, I feel there is nothing more than that. Although I must admit I give in pretty easily to girls, but I don’t tend to like every girl I come across. However, each time I come across a girl that I like, it’s either she doesn’t have any feelings for me, or she already has someone else in mind. Call me sad, I don’t care, but it’s a fact and I won’t hide it from the world. I don’t usually tell girls I like them directly in the face, but rather, I hint them. I am an inward person, an introvert and previous blows didn’t do me any good. So, I beat around the bush most of the time until I am fairly confident in tackling the girl.

I highly believe in this saying “some things are better left unknown”. When you get to know some things, they sadden you and they demoralize you. They don’t boost your ego nor do they ommmppphhh your self esteem. In fact, if anyone has a very low self esteem, that would have to be me. I have a very low self esteem when it comes to meeting the public and girls. I am getting better at it but still, some things just don’t help in the process.

I am one who easily backs off from a girl if being confronted by another guy who also likes her. Although I strongly believe that love is unfair and that you fight for yourself, I still I tend to back off as I feel it’s the easier thing to do. Call me a coward if you would but sometimes, you just have this feeling that it’s pointless as it is really going no where and the girl isn’t really showing any signs of interest. Oh yea, I am pretty experienced in this part, so don’t even question it. Blame that on girls who try to play cool and hard to get. I know girls don’t like guys who are cowards but still, it takes more than that to get a girl.

I know I am not some drop dead gorgeous guy but I don’t know why, I tend to fall for girls who are hard to get and are mostly pretty. Being the pessimist that I am, I always have this negative thinking that it’s impossible. I mean, how and why would a pretty girl fall for an ugly guy like me unless I am loaded, which I am not of course? I am merely stating facts here and I am not trying to beg for sympathy. So really, why would a girl fall for an ugly guy like me unless she has come to know me for quite sometime and gets attracted by my inner self? If first impression is to count, then I have failed miserably in that department.

I feel so hopeless I just lose concentration in my work sometimes and that’s not a good thing. I find no motivation to do things and the thought of not being able to be with someone you like is just excruciating. Sometimes, you just feel like dropping the thought off your mind and not think about it, but you just can’t. It’s easier said than done but really, it’s quite impossible. All I could do is just wish and pray that this feeling would go away and I would wake up to a brand new, happy day.

So as you can see, I am pretty depressed and stressed right now due to my work and personal life. Therefore, humour is of an essence to me and it helps keep me alive and prevents me from going insane. Which is why whenever I find the opportunity to laugh, I’d gladly do so. Nonetheless, nothing stops me from thinking all these, because when the laughter is over, everything is back to square one.

Oh god, this is one of those times I really need god by my side to comfort me and to make me feel better. This is also one of those times I can use some family member companionship. Unfortunately, my family is not with me so there really isn’t anyone I can turn to right now. Hmmm, what should I do with myself?