Tagged Again

I seem to be a target for tags nowadays. I can’t help it but everytime I do a tag, I’ll make someone look like a fool. Remember the two girls tag? Man, look at the response from the girls, damn shiok I tell you! Previously, it was Wei wei and now it’s baby Alisa. Don’t worry, I’ll give her face and I’ll do the tag.

1) Tell 5 jokes

Nia bu, you think I am a joker mer? I tell you a joke enough la. The rest you go find joker Wei wei and Alisa to tell you la. Their joke so the very “funny” la.

OK, here goes:

One day, a man was walking in the jungle. As usual, he wanted to chop some wood for his family’s daily use. As he settled and started chopping, he heard a voice of an old woman asking for help. Curious, he set out finding where the voice came from. He finally found the old woman who was trapped under a heavy log.

Old woman: Young man, please help me get out of this. In return for your generosity, I’ll give you 3 matches that will grant you 3 wishes.

Man: Ohh, OK. I’ll help you anyway. Don’t worry about it.

(The man helped the woman out)

Old woman: Thank you young man. Here are your 3 matches. If you want anything, just take a match, raise it up in your hands and say yor wish out loud.

Man: Thanks a lot. i really isn’t necessary.

The old woman left and excited, the man ran back home and told his wife and children about the matches. Upon hearing the news, the man’s family became so excited they started asking for things.

Man’s wife: Lao kung, I want the best kitchen.

Eldest Son: Pa, I want a nice car.

Youngest Son: Pa, I want the best bicycle.

Daughter: Pa, I want Barbie doll.

The man, not knowing what to do came up with a brilliant idea.

Man: OK, keep quiet everyone. I’ll give you all the things you want.

The man then held up a match and loudly said:

Man: Simi lanjiao also want.

The lanjiao from everywhere came falling down from the sky covering his house.

Man: Shit, this is not what I meant. Damn it!

He then took another match

Man: Simi lanjiao also don’t want.

Then all the lanjiao disappeared, including his and his sons’.

Man: KNNCCB!!!

Ashamed and frustrated, he took out the third match and said

Man: Gimme back my lanjiao!!!

His lanjiao then came back but his sons lost theirs.

OK, those who have heard, shheessshhhh… Those who find it lame, please shehhheeeeehhh as well. Thank you.

No more jokes. I can’t think of any more early in the morning.

2) Name the top 4 person that you adore the most.

- My dad. He is my inspiration to be a better person in life. He is my role model.

- My mum. She took good care of me and has always been there for me for the past 23 years. She’d sacrifice herself to see me lead a better life, though I might be a little cranky on her at times. Thanks mum, love you lots!!!

- My dear. She gives me a whole new meaning of life. I never knew life could be this good until she came into my life. Thanks dear!

OK, I can think of no more. Top 3 can liao la. Mahai, why need 4? I so pantang number 4 you still gimme 4, you want this? *shows fist*

3) 3 animals you think resemble you:-

- Pig. A lot of people find me a pig OK. I am fat and I look like one.

- Lion. I like leading the pack and I like roaring at idiots who are too stupid to comprehend simple stuff.

- Rat. I am shy shy and I am an introvert. Besides, I am a rat in the chinese zodiac.

4) Tag 5 other bloggers after that:-

Tag simi lanjiao!!! You think other people so free to do this kinda thing like me mer? Who else want to tag me? Come la, put your horse la. I am not scared want la.

Questionnaires

First off, no one tagged me alright? I was just being inquisitive and wanted to answer these questions for the fun of it. Besides, I wanted to tease someone.

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1) Are your parents married or divorced?

What do you think? Why so keypoh? Does it matter whether my parents are married or divorced? OK OK, for the sake of answering the question, yes, they are married. There, happy?

2) Are you a vegetarian?

I can be if I wanna, but I prefer being carnivorous. Muahaha…

3) Do you believe in Heaven?

Yes, definitely do. (*Alvin is hoping there really is one else he doesn’t know where to go after death…*)

4) Have you ever come close to dying?

Err, not that I can recall. I know I have came close to accidents, but definitely noy dying. Hey, I ain’t complaining and I am thanking god for that.

Pink Cotton’s answer: Almost drown once…and i thought i heard a voice while i was struggling to float…………or maybe just my imaghination *shrugs*

She was just imagining things so I think she doesn’t go to swim nowadays anymore, you know, hydrophobia… muahahaha… I was just kidding, I don’t know but I just felt like making fun of her.

5) What jewellery do you wear 24/7?

Aiya, I am a poor guy, don’t have any jewelleries to wear la. Whichever robber decides to rob me is really unlucky because the only thing he can have from me is my little brother.

Pink Cotton’s answer: Hate those dangly thingies ‘x’ i want FREEEEEEEEEEEEEDOMMMMMM

Don’t know what’s with her and the ‘x’. Seriously, this is the first time I ever hear a girl say she hates jewelleries. Coincidentally she hates those dangly things. Meaning, she hates my little brother as well. *Alvin is speechless*…

6) Favourite time of day?

The time where I get to meet, talk and play with hot chics and not get into any troubles. The time where I can say and curse and slap and kick and punch whoever I like and hate and they still say I am a good guy. Yea, that’s my facourite time of the day. Wait, I am dreaming again….

7) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?

Why not? Only sissies take the leaves. What’s so wrong with the stems? It won’t kill, so yea, I take them. Who is that sissy? Nah…

Do you wear makeup?

I am a natural beauty so I don’t need make up. I have all those natural pimples and oil to make me look so beautiful and sexy, so why do I need makeup?

Pink Cotton’s answer: hmmmmm yes lor

Unlike someone who needs make up because she doesn’t have my natural beauty.

9) Ever have plastic surgery?

I am a natural beauty, do you think I need it?*shows fist* Stop insulting me OK!

Pink Cotton’s answer: You want this??? *shows fist* this is all natural ok??? mwehehehee

You can put down your fist down Pink Cotton. It’s not as big as mine. I have seen Pink Cotton after plastic surgery OK! She’s just trying to be innocent. Don’t trust me? Here…

See the girl in white in the middle front? That’s her alright. See how pretty she looks after the surgery?

10) Do you colour your hair?

Used to but I came back to brownish black. Might wanna consider again if any leng lui can help me do it.

11) What do you wear to bed?

I sleep naked? Can?

12) Have you ever done anything illegal?

You never ah? It’s already illegal for you to drive above speed limit OK! 100% of homosapiens have done illegal things. No need to ask.

13) Can you roll your tongue?

Can, of course! I was borned gifted with that ability. Unlike…

Pink Cotton’s answer: CANNOT!!!..my tongue is so painful now…got ulcer can! drink also cannot,eat also cannot,sit also cannot!

One thing though, she can’t drink and eat, I can understand, but why she can’t seat is completely beyond me. Does she has ulcer behind her back as well? Hmmm….

14) Do you tweeze your eyebrows?

STOP INSULTING ME! Read, natural beauty!!!

15) What kind of sneakers?

All kinds la. What kind do you want? They all smell like smelly beancurd though.

16) Do you believe in Abortions?

Religion aside, I am a pretty practical person, so yea, I do believe in abortion, but I’d prefer not to let my girl go through that stage, if possible. I am talking about the future here. Thank you.

17) What is your Hair color?

Natural brownish black. Very sexy hair la… Dandruff comes as a bonus.

18) Future child’s name?

Alvin Junior? Nivla? Alvina? Ah Kao, Ah Long, Ah Tu? I don’t know la, but my child is gonna be a beautiful one with a beautiful name.

19) Do you snore?

YES. Can? I am tired ba, can?

20) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?

Need to ask arr? If I can go anywhere, of course I’d go anywhere la!

Pink Cotton’s answer: EVERYWHERE~~..muahahaaha

Pink Cotton is really greddy, but so am I.

21) Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

No, I sleep with no one, and only a pillow and blanket. For all I know, there is something invisible beside me. *Crossing fingers hoping that’s not real*

Pink Cotton’s answer: AFFIRMATIVE!…in fact, i dont have much space left for myself anymore…

Typical girl, but this is too much. Not much space for herself but the dolls? I’d be a parent go crazy if I had this kinda daughter. LOL. Kidding…

22) If you won the lottery, what would you do first?

Throw it into the drain and let the lucky one get it. DDUUHH!!! Of course spend it on charity and on the things I like la…

Pink Cotton’s answer: Keep quiet about it….LOL LOL

She’s probably afraid I was gonna take at least half her winnings off her.

23) Gold or silver?

Gimme the gold and you can take the silver la. Wah rao, this kinda question also can arr?

24) Hamburger or hot dog?

Both, can o not? I am very greedy when it comes to food, which explains my size.

Pink Cotton’s answer: HAMBURGER!!!!! i hate it when the sausage squishes out from the hot dog bun…IRRITATING YOU KNOW?

She doesn’t know how to take hot dog properly and she blames the hot dog for always popping out of the bun. *shakes head*

25) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Don’t ask this kinda question la. I like too many food that if I could eat only one food for the rest of my life, I’d rather die…

Pink Cotton’s answer: CHEESEEEEEEEEEEE

This is one crazy girl. Siao. Of so many delicious food, she chose CHEEESSSEEEE…

26) City, beach or country?

Beach.

Pink Cotton’s answer: BEACH BEACH!!!!!!!!!!! make sure theres a shopping mall nearby too!

Again, this reinstate my stand that this girl is really greedy. Wants a beach yet a shopping mall by the beach.

27) What was the last thing you touched?

Are you stupid or what? Can’t you see I am typing this, of course the keyboard la!

28) Where did you eat last?

At the coffeeshop? Can ask more meaningful questions or not?

29) When’s the last time you cried?

Can’t even recall. I am not someone who cries easily. Even when my grandma passed away, I found it hard to cry. Not that I don’t miss her or anything like that. I miss her soo much. I still have a fond memory of her, but the tears just don’t seem to flow.

30) Do you read blogs?

Only interesting ones. Not the ones that goes “Today I wake up, wash teeth, eat and sleep…”. Note the bad grammar and boredom. That would shorten my lifespan by at least a year.

31) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?

Never, I am proud to be the XY species.

Pink Cotton’s answer: hmmm can do…but never do it before…maybe i should buy some matching tees and FORCE someone to wear it with me on V day???

WTH? Become a guy on V day? Please spare me the misery. You’d be the prettiest “guy” so don’t try to be an XY chromosome, stick with XX.

32) Ever been involved with the police?

Yes, many times… it goes something like this:

Me: Yes sir, apa khabar?
Police: IC mana?
Me: Nah.
Police: You tau you punya lampu tak berfungsi?
Me: Oh, ya kah? Tak tau. Sori la sir.
Police: You mahu saya saman ker?
Me: Tak mau la. Tapi, kereta sir pun lampu rosak. Sir mau saman saya ker? Dua-dua kereta pun saman la, macam tu.
Police: Pergi-pergi… *grumbles*

Pink Cotton’s answer: *shoves some loose change* while saying MINUM KOPI BANG?

This actually answers question 12 for Pink Cotton. Wanna get out of trouble with loose change? Hard. Try a “tighter” change next time. LOL.

33) What’s your favourite shampoo conditioner and soap?

Anything that stops my dandruff and makes my hair feels nice and sexy.

34) Do you talk in your sleep?

Got, can? I especially like to talk to my imaginary girlfriend in my sleep so I don’t like sleeping with anyone else.

35) Ocean or pool?

Both la. Depends on my mood.

38) Window seat or aisle?

Aisle would do fine since I get to see the hot Air Asia air stewardess in red but I still prefer the window seat because nothing beats the scenery when you’re on a long flight to say Brisbane, London or New York.

Pink Cotton’s answer: ALWAYS the window seat! YAY!!!!…or else i will sulk the whole journey….WAHSEH

I really shouldn’t go travelling with Pink Cotton. She’d be fighting with me for the window seat and also if she lost, she’d sulk the whole journey.

39) Ever met anyone famous?

No. Don’t care.

40) Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life?

No. Still a long way to go, but compared to some, I am pretty successful.

41) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?

Aiya, don’t twirl and cut la. Just eat the god damn thing. Suck so hard that the spaghetti swoops into your mouth and splats the sauce all over your face. My dad’s home made, local spaghetti is legendary and is better than any other spaghetti you can get out there. Thanks dad!

Pink Cotton’s answer: Twirl twirl until the spaghetti suddenly unravels itself from your fork and splats sauce all over ur face!

She just likes playing with the thing and not eating it. I bet when I finish the whole plate, he face would be all saucy and she would be sulking whole night long. LOL.

42) Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey?

None, but the doors are always opened if Oprah is going to give out free cars to all the audiences of her show. Please, please invite me to one of your shows Oprah, if your giving out goodies like cars or houses. I wouldn’t hesitate and would not miss it for the world!!!

43) Basketball or Football?

I like watching football and I like playing basketball but I am good in neither.

Pink Cotton’s answer: The last time i played football..my shoe flew together with the ball when i kicked it ok?? And im not tall enough for basketball..SATISFIED? hmph

That’s a new style of kicking the football so that the opponent will get it on his face if he tried snatching the ball.

44) How long do your showers last?

I am no girl, so 5 minutes.

45) Automatic or do you drive a stick?

Auto. I drive the stick as well when I have the chance to. So, I am no sissy because I can drive a stick. I have improved tremendously I prefer a short throw now.

I drive an auto because I enjoy leading a luxurious life.

46) Cake or ice cream?

Not really a fan of both but I’d like a cheese cake to go with an ice cream.

47) Are you self-conscious?

Not exactly. At times, yes, especially in formal events as well as meeting up with clients and girls. Other than that, no…

Pink Cotton’s answer: *looks at hair* *looks at nail* *looks at feet* OH?am i self -conscious??yes lorrr….

Unlike this girl, who is so self conscious she doesn’t even want her photo published. ^%$#!^~!%^@.

48) Have you ever drank so much you threw up?

No. It takes so much more to make me throw up.

49) Have you ever given money to a beggar?

Of course, I am generous. Depends on my mood though. I cannot go on giving money to 100 beggars everyday. In no time, I’d be the beggar and not them.

50) Have you been in love?

No wor. Yes wor. Dunno wor… What I do know is the girl I like never likes me. The girl I don’t like also never likes me.

51) Where do you wish you were?

I don’t know. I don’t know where I belong anymore. I am lost, just bring me to somewhere I can feel good.

52) Are you wearing socks?

Ya? I am in the office doing this blardy thing OK! It’s not short and it’s getting on my nerves.

53) Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?

NO NO NO…

54) Can you tango?

Freestyle, doggie style? Yes….. Proper way? NO!

55) Last gift you received?

Can’t recall, I have a pretty bad memory these days.

56) Last sport you played?

Badminton? My legs and buttock still ache until today.

57) Things you spend a lot of money on?

Dunno la. I spend a lot of money on everything. I don’t even know where my money went to.

58) Where do you live?

Kuching. We live on top of a tree house with escalators to bring us up and we use 3G to connect to the internet and we use a Mercedez S Class to bring us around the jungle.

59) Where were you born?

Borned the same place I live in.

60) Last wedding attended?

My cousin’s wedding end of last year.

63) Most hated food(s)?

Don’t know until I come across it. LOL

Pink Cotton’s answer: hmmmm those eewy gooey vege ‘x’ .. bilin is in the list…wahahaha

This girl is crazy. Don’t take her word for it. Bilin is like one of the best local delicacies you can have in Sarawak. Stir fry that with sambal and one taste of it, you go up to heaven. OMG, I am so hungry now.

64) What’s your least favourite?

What do you mean my least favourite? Isn’t my least favourite food kinda like the food I hate?

Pink Cotton’s answer: lady’s finger

OK, let’s go find some ladies and chop their fingers off for Pink Cotton.

65) Can you sing?

Yes I can. Damn well too but I refuse to sing for any of you.

Pink Cotton’s answer: Refuse to answer this lest someone forces me to sing karaoke the nxt time

The person who would be forcing you to sing would be ME!!!

66) Last person you instant messaged?

Why you wanna know? The whole collossal of the thing is that, IT ISN’T YOU!

Pink Cotton’s answer: HELIBELY~

Pink Cotton isn’t chatting with me because she wouldn’t let me to.

67) Last place you went on holiday?

No time for holidays already la nowadays. Not like some people. So free, nothing to do but to go for holidays. I am just being jealous here.

69) Current Song?

I love you, you love me, we are happy family….

Damn it Barney, enough of that already!!!

70) Tag 3 friends

Why should I? It’s hopeless. No tags, thank you.

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Sorry, I just can’t resist teasing Pink Cotton. You know, she was just meant to be teased. LOL. Pink Cotton, don’t take what I said seriously. You know I was just kidding.

Laundry Bar

Last night, I went to Laundry Bar at The Curve. Excuse me, not the bar where you do your laundry hor? It’s a bar where you sit down and drink hor?

I notice a lot of hot, and I mean hot, chics going to clubs. Ladies, can I ask you one thing? Where are you girls during ordinary times? Is it just me being ignorant or are you girls hiding from me? Hehe…

Anyway, a lady was asking me “Is this seat taken?” and I was so deaf I couldn’t hear her and I went “Huh?” 3 times! How much more embarrassing can it get?

I was basically there to meet up with a long lost friend of mine, Ivan. Being a blogger who does not camwhore a lot, I didn’t bother bringing my camera along. I don’t want to be bringing my bulky camera along to a bar. Perhaps I should consider getting a smaller camera for that purpose.

I know of one person who is so envious of us being able to meet up in KL and he can’t. Anyway, going to a club and not drinking is like getting into a car and not driving. So I intended to get myself a glass of Tiger, you know, the world goes the way of the tiger. The bartender pointed to a lager which I thought was Tiger and I ended up having this…

I am not a hard core drinker. I am more of an occasional drinker. Other than drinking at clubs, I don’t usually drink. I mean, beer doesn’t taste as nice as the adverts make it taste. The drink you saw above tastes slightly more bitter than normal golden beer. Nonetheless its for real men

See? I am sorry about the picture quality. A phone camera that doesn’t have auto focus sucks but it reads, “Bold, Distinctive, Full of Character, Just Like The Men Who Drink It”. See? I drink it, I am so full of character. The drink is also so full of character as well because it made me RM26.90 poorer.

I bet the drink is so full of character this sissy couldn’t take it…

Why? Because he goes to bed 10.30pm every night and he has to take his fruits everyday without fail and he complains that he has insufficient sleep because he missed 30 minutes of sleep time chatting with me. SUPER DUPER SISSY OK!

Mate, don’t take what I say seriously, I was just kidding. You know me, I cannot survive a day without sarcastically teasing you.

All in all, I finished my one day’s earning in a night. That’s bad, VERY BAD! Thank goodness I do not do this very often else, I’d go bankrupt in no time. It was worth it though, just to be able to meet up with a long lost friend.

Uninspired to Inspired

I almost came up with an uninspiring post yesterday evening. I suddenly had this urge to write a good for nothing post. Alas, due to time constraint, I didn’t get to do it. So today, I feel inspired so I am gonna write a congratulation post for a friend of mine.

First up, a brief history. I have known this guy for the past one decade. Ever since the first day knowing him, he has always been known to me as “terng kha bang” (hokkien) or “chong kiok mun” (hakka) or simply known as long legged mosquito in English.

This is how he looks like:

Anyway, he recently graduated with a Bachelor Degree. Not any degree OK! It’s a very powderful degree hor? Bachelor of Pharmacy OK PEOPLE!!! DON PRAY PRAY!!! A mosquito getting a bachelor degree should go into the World Guinness Book of Records OK!!!

Anyway, you have to know the significance of this person. I mean, we are all so proud of him but we didn’t know how significant he was to the small city of Kuching until we came to know about this…

Wooooaaarrr…. came out in the newspaper some more. How come I never had this kinda opportunity when I graduated more than a year before him? So unfair. Look at how handsome my friend is? Ladies, still single and available OK!!! You girls be the judge because he claims himself to be an eng tau kia or in English, handsome.

Now, since I didn’t get the opportunity to do what he did, I am gonna pay tribute to myself today. So here…

Mr. Alvin Chong Shin Fui
from USQ, Australia
with Bachelor of Information Technology

Of course, I am not wearing the graduation cloth anymore. This is just an official dinner 1 year later to celebrate my graduation. Kidding, this is a photo from another dinner but it can resemble my graduation.

Wah, I feel so good my graduation is published on a website known to the whole wide world. I am sure my friend would thank me a lot too for helping him publish his photo on this website. So, I better start running and find a place to hide because he is already doing this…

Wooooaaaarrr, so long. Ouch my back hurts. Please don’t poke me on my backside. I know what is to come next, so I am going to run away first!!! RUN!!!

Bloggers 2

On The Side Note:

Note To Self: I hope this coming year is going to be a fruitful and a happy one for me. My resolution would be to drop 10kg off my body (lets see if I can do this) and also to find myself a girl. =P Kidding…

So I thought the last post would be it for the year 2006. Surprisingly, it’s not because since I mentioned quite a number of bloggers, everyone seemed to want to have a piece of it. So here I am, going to write my second post as a tribute to fine bloggers out there

The first person I am gonna introduce to you guys would have to be none other than Rose Wong. She asked me, how come there was no description of her. So here goes, I knew this girl actually from high school. I saw her but obviously, she was oblivious to my presence as I wasn’t significant back then. I am not saying I am now, you get what I mean. In case you guys don’t know, she is a petite, slim girl who claims herself to be FAT! OMG OMG… another case of anorexia nervosa.

Here, here, let me show you guys a picture of her:

As you can see, she was so happy that Frankie took her photo. She even had to pose with her handphone. Frankie censored her and made her look so ugly. How could he? I mean, a beautiful face deserves to be seen by the public, no?

Oh and she calls this a high class Kelisa:

HIGH CLASS KELISA!!! OMG, SHE CALLS THIS A HIGH CLASS KELISA! Can someone please drop by and tell her what this car is? I tried telling her what car this is, CAN DIE!!

Anyway, back to her, I then got to know her very well like errr.. I dunno, after high school, which was like 5 years later. She was like pretending to be “shy” initially. Only after going out with her a couple of times, when I started to suan her like there was no tomorrow that she started opening up and that was when her true colours showed. She became a completely different person all together. Yea, that’s how I like it.

The next person I am gonna talk about would be this guy who likes to call himself, Ah Mike. For some reason, he chose “cloudedpawn” as his web address. Why is he a clouded pawn is just beyond me. I’d rather be the King and have the clouded pawn do my dirty job. I was just kidding mate. Don’t take it seriously.

This guy somehow looks too young to be 22, or is it just me being too old. It is also a surprise that he prefers his face to be censored. I don’t know why because he sure as hell isn’t ugly. In fact, I believe that if I had posted up his picture, a gazillion girls would start flocking to him.

The final person I am gonna talk about would be none other than Pink Cotton. Why she chose pink cotton is beyond me? Does she love pink cotton a lot? I don’t know. One thing for sure is, 80% of all her stuffs are probably pink in colour.

I dropped by her blog recently to greet her with a Hi. The nick I used was @lViN and she interpreted that as Ivin. That was pretty funny. To make it funnier, she asked if Ivan and I were twins. So, the answer to that is no, we are not.

Anyway, this is actually a picture of Pink Cotton:

No, that’s not her. She is supposedly an anonymous blogger. Upon in depth research, she isn’t that anonymous after all. Out of respect for her privacy, I shall not reveal her true identity. So her identity shall remain as Pink Cotton until she decides other wise. See how nice I am to you Pink Cotton?

Anyway, I guess this would really be it for 2006. To those bloggers out there whom I know and I did not pay tribute to, do know that I’d actually add you to the post had I have known about it. It’s also way too long to add all bloggers. To all the fine bloggers out there, another big cheers to you guys and HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007!!! I am going to light some fireworks up soon.